A barrage of negative experiences can deplete the self and limit internal resources. In turn, this seems to negatively impact the perspective we take to future experiences, creating a vicious cycle of negative experiencing and low internal resources to cope. What is needed is to first focus on what we can truly control, the self.

To help restore the self (selves are unique but a mandatory minimum is 20 total points), an assessment of the self is warranted. Here is a nifty and simple self assessment that is loosely based on Virginia Satir‘s self mandala ( Self Care Rating Scale). Evaluate eight domains of the self and notice which aspects need the most attention.

Something that can happen when we are low on self resources is that we can become overly critical. Thus, I want to caution against using this as a tool to further criticize yourself/others or to worry about what you cannot control. It is not common for a person to be all 5’s, that is not the goal. The goal is to notice what your preferences for self care are, what are some areas that could use a little attention, and to help shed light on the fact that self care is not 1 thing nor does it require a lot of time or money to rebalance yourself.

Think balance! Sometimes a person can be a 5 on one or two domains but 1 or 2 on all others; this indicates being out of balance. Parts of the Self are sorely depleted in terms of resources. Shore up a few of the lower domains and let up on the one that is a 5. An example: one is intellectually full but emotionally and relationally depleted. It would be useful to get out of the head and into the world of connecting to redistribute self resources.

The MOST important thing to pay attention to is that whatever you select needs to nurture some part of who you are and to be something you can actually do.  If you know your love language (s), use those on yourself too. Enjoy being you and getting in touch with your personal care needs!

Some of the examples for each domain of self are from Kellevision, a therapy blog with compatible ideas to what I post.

If you need help getting back into balance or external issues are overwhelming you, you may benefit from therapy services. You can reach me at:

Lavelda Naylor, MA, LMFTA
4230 Gardendale
Suite 502
San Antonio, Tx 78229

The Key Counseling of SA


  1. Lavelda Naylor said:

    I agree. I am not very spiritual myself, probably a one if I don’t extrapolate. I tend to think of it more as creativity or communing with nature, then I am a four. When I make things I feel spiritual, like I am truly connected to being. I also feel that way when I look at trees. For me these are not cerebral activities. Do you do anything that feels like praying might feel to other people?

  2. notfemme said:

    Why does spiritual always come up? Not everyone identifies with being spiritual. I don’t understand what it means

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